You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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