Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize