My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
