Where is the hickey?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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