I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
