you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
