what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
