I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
