considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize