ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dick very happy bro
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