god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
