It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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