my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
