I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
