just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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