You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I need a beard to bite.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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