He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
