Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
