Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
