I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
there is glitter all over my balls
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
