I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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