I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
