More tranny stories later!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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