Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
