Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
