Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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