I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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