sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
