Heybabeimwearingurpanties
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
They are going to name an STD after you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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