Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
