i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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