Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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