I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
