you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
