its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
