got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
