Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize