Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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