No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
