The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
