I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
