fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
