He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
