cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When are your genitals available?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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