ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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