On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
3pm strippers are depressing
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
