Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
