Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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