Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
