he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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