he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
