My hand turned me down
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
