You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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