who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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