Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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