but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
