I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Terrible idea I love it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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