They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
