I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
