I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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