Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
