Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
