You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
