well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
