Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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