I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
