No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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