oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
