that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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